How would you build a relationship with someone who intimidates you?
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TOP ANSWERS
OUR COACH SAYS
Let's face it - we have all been in a situation where we find a co-worker, classmate, or even professor a touch intimidating. Show the interviewer that you have the smarts and maturity to recognize when intimidation creeps in. Also, highlight that you can overcome whatever factors are causing those feelings.
Since this question is framed as, 'How would you...' it is acceptable to use a hypothetical story example, giving a general overview of how you would react in this situation.
However, if you want to use a real-life example, try forming a response using the STAR method. STAR is an acronym for Situation, Task, Action, Result. Organizing your response using this framework will ensure that you provide the interviewer with the right amount of information and detail to form a compelling answer.
Since this question is framed as, 'How would you...' it is acceptable to use a hypothetical story example, giving a general overview of how you would react in this situation.
However, if you want to use a real-life example, try forming a response using the STAR method. STAR is an acronym for Situation, Task, Action, Result. Organizing your response using this framework will ensure that you provide the interviewer with the right amount of information and detail to form a compelling answer.
Example #1
"I had a boss a couple of years ago who was very intimidating. I enjoy strong personalities; however, she didn't smile very often and was a bit flat with her emotions, which is sometimes hard to navigate. I don't think she meant to be, so I would remind myself before speaking to her, that she was human just like the rest of us. This approach helped me to communicate with her, with much less intimidation."
Example #2
"Earlier in my admin career, I had a couple of clients who would be very aggressive on the phone with their requests. I would sometimes get tripped up on my words when they called. I made myself a telephone script related to those specific instances and memorized it. This script helped me to remain on track with my thoughts when those more intimidating clients would call."
Example #3
"I have a great method that I teach my crew when they have to make cold calls or have a challenging conversation with an existing client. The trick is to practice, out loud, with someone else. Have that person throw possible objections out and then try to overcome them. Once you've had this conversation a few times in practice, it will be much easier in a real-life situation."
Example #4
"As a marketing director, I often have to give presentations and pitches to groups of decision-makers, which can be quite intimidating. I stand tall and remind myself to be proud of my work, no matter what they may say or think. By doing this, I am oozing confidence, and the situation becomes so much easier. Also, I recently read about 'mirror neurons' in the brain. These neurons mean that people respond with similar facial expressions and demeanor so, if you are friendly and approachable, others are more likely to be as well."
Example #5
"When someone intimidates me, such as an upset customer who is demanding a refund that I cannot give, I will focus less on how I am feeling and more about how they are feeling. I remind myself that they are possibly having the worst day ever. By empathizing with them, the situation becomes less scary, for sure."
Example #6
"In my sales training, we learned a great deal about practicing comic visualization in intimidating situations. I have a few clients who are very alpha, and they are quite intimidating. I have used comic visualization, such as picturing them as babies or dancing in a funny costume. It's silly, and possibly one of the oldest tricks in the book, but it works!"
Example #7
"When I find myself face to face with an intimidating person - like an angry parent of a student, for instance, I work hard to validate their feelings. By agreeing with them whenever possible, we are often able to relate better to each other, making the overall situation feel a bit lighter."
Example #8
"Many times patients come into a physician's office because they don't want the hassle of an emergency room visit. While some patient complaints can be accomodated in the office setting, guidelines for what situations can be treated in each type of care setting are put in place to make sure that patients are directed to the care setting that is best equipped to handle their problem. For instance, if a patient comes unannounced into my clinic with complaints of chest pain, the protocol is to send him to the nearest emergency room. Usually, in such situations, a triage nurse will do an initial triage and arrange for the patient to be sent to the emergency room. I usually accompany the staff to explain to the patient why the ER referral is being given and then help to accommodate his safe arrival to the emergency department. Often when patients have an understanding of why their care needs to transferred to a different facility or department, they are amenable to the suggestion and follow our instructions."
Example #9
"I know how important it is to create working relationships with good contacts in the area. I have experience working well alongside police officers, and I know at your station I will be able to keep in touch with police officers well and be sure to keep their information quiet until they allow us to release it so we may build up trust with them."
Example #10
"I am a very friendly person who is also very good at creating contacts and remembering those who I have talked to before. I feel that my personable personality makes me a good fit for being in contact with the public."
Example #11
"I find that I am a very friendly and compassionate person and I love to listen to people's stories. I am a great reporter because I listen to people who want to talk and they know they can trust me to be honest and tell my stories equally."
Example #12
"I have lived in many different states throughout my journalistic career and have had to develop completely new contacts quickly to do my job. I am ready to take on the challenge of doing that now abroad."
Example #13
"I plan to build stable relationships by being authentic and showing genuine excitement when it comes to getting to know everyone on the team. When meeting a new group, I go slow and earn their trust. I focus on delivering respect to others, and I offer them the chance to get to know me on a deeper level. As an experienced Training and Development Manager, I have met hundreds of professionals throughout my career. Over this time, I've learned to adapt and work harmoniously with all kinds of personalities. I like to get to know everyone and learn as much as I can from them about the job and their expectations. This way, I can do my best to personalize their experience in my training sessions."
Example #14
"My colleagues will tell you that I am a team player and that I am someone they feel comfortable coming to when they need an extra hand or someone to talk to."
Example #15
"I think a great way to build professional relationships is to understand that everyone has something to learn from one another."
Example #16
"On my first day, I plan on bringing in baked goods. My hobby is baking and I think a great way to break the ice is through food. I think that by bringing in goodies, my new coworkers will know that I'm genuine and will see my excitement to start the job and be part of the team."
Anonymous Answer
"I had someone that asked me why I do my job, and I said to help customers and he said "Bull Sh&@" to me and told me that everyone does it for the money in front of a bunch of people, which really intimidated me. I worked hard and tried to get to know him better to find out that he was in the military, and that was the way he talked a lot. Once I figured out that it wasn't personal, I tried to build a better relationship with him and get to know him even better."
Kristine's Reply
Great start. You chose a great example to share, but be careful to avoid over-generalizations about people in the military and saying curse words in an interview. You have a delicate situation to explain, and I have assisted with the wording.
Kristine's Reply
"I met a new employee who asked me why I do my job, and I said to help customers. He didn't believe me, and he even responded with a swear word. Then, he told me that everyone does it for the money in front of a bunch of people, which intimidated me. I worked hard to get to know him better and understand why he would say that. I found out his background was in a completely different industry, and his harsh manner of talking was common in that industry. Once I found out that what he said wasn't a personal attack on me, I tried to build a relationship with him and get to know him even better."
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Anonymous Answer
"I once had a doctor tell me my products were terrible. It was a one-way conversation where he was yelling. It was the very first time we'd met, and I was honestly intimidated. When he was finished, I asked him if it would be okay for me to step out and then come back in to start the conversation all over again, but that this time, he was not to be so scary. He looked at me and just started laughing. He became one of my top customers after that."
Rachelle's Reply
Nice! Sometimes being forward with people who are aggressive and telling them flat-out how they made you feel is a very effective approach. This is a good story to tell in an interview because you were true to yourself without compromising the account.
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Anonymous Answer
"I would first be polite and well mannered when we met, then slowly find some common ground to have some short discussions on work-related processes we both have an interest in. I would also find out what interests they have outside of work to understand the individual and build the relationship."
Rachelle's Reply
This is a great approach. Good answer!
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Anonymous Answer
"I had a client who was nasty and aggressive on the phone but it was a good customer so I had to grin and bear it. I found that if I practiced what I wanted to say when I had to call them I was more relaxed and didn't let them get to me. I got used to their style and after awhile I didn't take it personally. I just acted as professionally as possible."
Rachelle's Reply
Your plan of action is excellent. Nice answer!
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Anonymous Answer
"I had a supervisor a couple of years ago who was very intimidating. I enjoy strong personalities; however, he didn't smile very often and was a bit flat with his emotions, which is sometimes hard to navigate. I don't think he meant to be, so when speaking with him, I made the overall situation a bit lighter by showing enthusiasm and a sense of humor."
Rachelle's Reply
Great approach!
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Anonymous Answer
"I had a supervisor who had a strong personality and was very intimidating to approach at times. I had to remind myself that I am there to do my job and she was human just like the rest of us so don't take it personally."
Rachelle's Reply
Good, professional approach! In the end, were you able to develop any sort of connection with this supervisor?
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Anonymous Answer
"I had a client who was aggressive on the phone, but he was a good customer so I had to grin and bear it. I found that if I practiced what I wanted to say when I had to call him, I was more relaxed and didn't let him get to me. I got used to his style and after a while, I didn't take it personally. I just acted as professionally as possible."
Rachelle's Reply
Good start! Be sure to summarize in the beginning or end, how exactly you would describe your approach to communicating in challenging environments.
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Anonymous Answer
"I try to engage them more personally to open them up, maybe ask about a vacation they just got back from, or even simply asking them how they are doing, can make a difference. I've found if you can connect more on a personal level, then their guards fall wayside, and instantly they warm up to you."
Rachelle's Reply
This is an excellent approach! Your answer shows a willingness to make meaningful connections with those you work with, even if an instant connection is not easily made.
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Anonymous Answer
"This is definitely something I have faced in work settings, soccer teams, and even in volunteering. When building these relationships, I challenge my beliefs as to why the other person may intimidate me and focus instead on being really friendly and bubbly. An outgoing demeanour makes people feel more comfortable building a relationship with me. Then, I usually focus my attention on learning more about them, what they are passionate about and interested in, and follow up on that to show that I am genuinely interested in getting to know them."
Rachelle's Reply
Your approach is wise! People tend to be warmer with those they feel they can trust. Nice answer!
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Anonymous Answer
"When someone intimidates me I try to relate to that person. When I was an intern, I found speaking to the district manager intimidating so I would make the effort of talking about school and my interests within the company. 5 years down the line I speak to him as my colleague and I am not afraid to voice my opinions because I know he will listen and respect what I have to say."
Rachelle's Reply
Good work!
Rachelle's Reply
"When I am working with someone that intimidates me, I try to put myself in their shoes and relate to how they are feeling. When working as an intern, I found my district manager intimidating to speak with. I would work through that fear and make an effort to talk about school and interests within the company. Today, five years later, I speak to him as my colleague, voicing my opinions and thoughts because I know he will listen and respect what I have to say."
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Anonymous Answer
"I think people with intimidating personalities are just a little more aggressive in their personalities. So I listen to them and try to find out what common interests we may have, and build a relationship on that."
Rachelle's Reply
Great! You show an insightful approach by discussing how you work to understand people with aggressive personalities.
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Anonymous Answer
"Everyone was someone's child at some point. Everyone has a beating heart. I try very hard to meet people where they are. Often people who have a harsh exterior persona may have a different way of expressing themselves.
I have certainly been close to supervisors whom others has dismissed as being brash or harsh. In the back of my mind, I have a different kind of philosophy. I see that relationships that take longer to form generally last longer than those that are quick to form."
Rachelle's Reply
Perfect!
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Anonymous Answer
"I have worked with plenty of clients, some of whom are intimidating. I had one patient that was very aggressive and despite my calm demeanor, was very demanding. I made sure to document their concerns, repeat them, and make sure they understood that I was taking care of their needs. I used ice breakers to find out more about them and eventually got through to them, to the point where they were able to relax."
Rachelle's Reply
Good for you! It's terrific that you did not back down and that you continued to try with this individual. What kind of ice breakers did you use?
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Anonymous Answer
"When someone intimidates me, such as an upset student who is demanding a refund for not turning in an exam that I don't have authority to give, I will focus less on how I am feeling and more about how they are feeling. In practice, I listen patiently and emphatically to their complaints, understand what they need, and I calmly give them directions with appropriate referrals. By doing this, the situation becomes less scary."
Rachelle's Reply
Good answer, and very honest. I like how specific your response is.
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Anonymous Answer
"I usually don’t get intimidated. I meet with some of the most intimidating and sophisticated landlords in the country. If I find one intimidating, I talk about common interests, their real estate business, and how I can bring additional revenue streams into their properties.
Alternatively, if someone intimidates me who are not landlords, I look for common interests to break the ice."
Rachelle's Reply
Fantastic! Your response is perfect - showing that you are highly capable of adapting to different personalities.
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Anonymous Answer
"I would do this by showing respect and first small talk. By trying to get to know them would eventually avail and open line of communication. If I am intimidated by them, I feel that they are better at something, then I am. With an open communication line, I can ask and get to know their strengths and turn my weaknesses into strengths by their wisdom and abilities."
Rachelle's Reply
Awesome approach! You sound very emotionally intelligent, and your response spotlights the fact that you are eager to grow and learn from others.
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Anonymous Answer
"I had client who was a very intimidating person when I first met her. She intimidated me even before I gave her service, so I began to listen closely to her. Once I started talking about her hair and her interest in the service she became a bit lighter and confident about giving me her service. Since then, she has been a permanent customer."
Rachelle's Reply
It's wonderful that she is now a regular customer! You show an attentive, complementary approach, which is great to have in the service industry. I have provided a slight revision for you, below.
Rachelle's Reply
"One of my customers was a very intimidating person when I first met her. I knew that if I was to give her proper service, I needed to get to know her. I was friendly and complimented her, and started to ask her questions about her life. She became lighter-hearted with me, which then increased my confidence in giving her service. Today, she remains one of my regular customers!"
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Anonymous Answer
"I moved from junior level job to heading a department in my current role. I now deal with a shareholder- director who I directly report to; the person was very intimidating. I made sure that I was confident and firm. It helped that I was thorough in my work; this helped develop trust quickly. Once this was done, all the walls were broken. We now have a very good working relationship."
Rachelle's Reply
Great point that you developed trust quickly, which helped you to maintain confidence in these interactions. Good answer!
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Anonymous Answer
"At my current job, before getting hired, I had my second interview with the president of the company, his presence can be a bit intimidating at first. As soon as I walked into his office, I looked around and seen pictures of his kids playing sports, and that was the first thing I asked him. He was delighted to talk about his family, I spoke of my journey playing sports and I eventually stopped being nervous around him. I always try to find something in common to talk about and it releases a lot of tension and conversations become natural after that."
Rachelle's Reply
Your approach to finding common ground and making conversation is a very wise one! Great answer with a very relate-able example.
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Anonymous Answer
"I believe communication is vital. I would explain any issue respectfully and professionally and hopefully feel less intimidated after a conversation."
Rachelle's Reply
Good approach! The more you communicate with someone who may seem intimidating, the better the situation can become.
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Anonymous Answer
"I try to understand what it is about me that makes me feel "inferior" and understand that the "problem" lies within me and not with the person. It's a great opportunity to learn from someone who is challenging you on whatever level."
Rachelle's Reply
Your answer shows a lot of insight and self-awareness—a very good response.
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