How would you build a relationship with someone who intimidates you?

Question

Rachelle Enns · Accepted Answer

"I had a boss a couple of years ago who was very intimidating. I enjoy strong personalities; however, she didn't smile very often and was a bit flat with her emotions, which is sometimes hard to navigate. I don't think she meant to be, so I would remind myself before speaking to her that she was human just like the rest of us. This approach helped me to communicate with her with much less intimidation."

Rachelle Enns · Answer

The goal of your response is to show the interviewer that you can overcome feelings of intimidation, never allowing them to impact the quality of your work. Also, it's essential to give the interviewer a strong sense of your approach to relationship-building.

Rachelle Enns · Answer

We have all been in a situation where we find a co-worker, customer, classmate, or professor slightly intimidating. When you answer, clearly show the interviewer that you have the self-awareness needed to recognize when feelings of intimidation arise. One way to communicate this is by telling a brief story of a time you built a relationship with someone who intimidated you at first. You should include specific details of how you developed a relationship with this person. At the end of your response, remember to connect your relationship-building skills to how they will benefit the hiring company, should you be the successful candidate.

Rachelle Enns · Answer

Since this question asks 'How would you...' it is acceptable to use a hypothetical story example, giving a general overview of how you would react in this situation. However, if you want to use a real-life example, try forming a response using the STAR method. STAR is an acronym for Situation, Task, Action, Result. Organizing your response using this framework will ensure that you provide the interviewer with the right amount of information and detail to form a compelling answer.

Rachelle Enns · Answer

Avoid responses that seem like you have very little agency over your feelings or actions. For instance, avoid statements like, 'When I encounter customers that intimidate me, I just smile and deal with it because it's my job to put the customer first.'

Rachelle Enns · Answer

"Earlier in my admin career, I had a couple of clients who would be very aggressive on the phone with their requests. I would sometimes get tripped up on my words when they called. I made myself a telephone script related to those specific instances and memorized it. This script helped me to remain on track with my thoughts when those more intimidating clients would call."

Rachelle Enns · Answer

"I have a great method that I teach my crew when they have to make cold calls or have a challenging conversation with an existing client. The trick is to practice, out loud, with someone else. Have that person throw possible objections out and then try to overcome them. Once you've had this conversation a few times in practice, it will be much easier in a real-life situation."

Rachelle Enns · Answer

"As a marketing director, I often have to give presentations and pitches to groups of decision-makers, which can be quite intimidating. I stand tall and remind myself to be proud of my work, no matter what they may say or think. By doing this, I ooze confidence, and the situation becomes so much easier. Also, I recently read about 'mirror neurons' in the brain. These neurons mean that people respond with similar facial expressions and demeanor so, if you are friendly and approachable, others are more likely to be as well."

Rachelle Enns · Answer

"In my sales training, we learned a great deal about practicing comic visualization in intimidating situations. I have a few clients who are very alpha, and they are quite intimidating. I have used comic visualization, such as picturing them as babies or dancing in a funny costume. It's silly, and possibly one of the oldest tricks in the book, but it works!"

Rachelle Enns · Answer

"When someone intimidates me, such as an upset customer who is demanding a refund that I cannot give, I will focus less on how I am feeling and more about how they are feeling. I remind myself that they are possibly having the worst day ever. By empathizing with them, the situation becomes less scary, for sure."

Rachelle Enns · Answer

"When I find myself face to face with an intimidating person - like an angry parent of a student, for instance, I work hard to validate their feelings. By agreeing with them whenever possible, we are often able to relate better to each other, making the overall situation feel a bit lighter."

Anonymous User · Answer

"Oftentimes I find that when someone intimidates you it's because you don't really know them, because you have heard second-hand stories or because you hold them on a pedestal. I try to get to know them on a personal level if possible, and if I do meet them, just relax and realize they're just another person like you and me."

Anonymous User · Answer

"I ended up becoming very close friends a couple of years ago with someone who was very intimidating. I enjoy strong personalities; however, they didn't smile very often and were a bit flat with her emotions, which is sometimes hard to navigate. I don't think she meant to be, so I would remind myself before speaking to her, that she was human just like the rest of us. This approach helped me to communicate with her, with much less intimidation."

Anonymous User · Answer

"I am a matter-of-fact person who is laser-focused on their own performance, so I am not an easy person to intimidate. However, if this is indeed how I feel about a person, I would first make sense of the reasons behind this feeling, as engaging someone while feeling this way would either prevent certain aspects of my personality from flourishing, or it would alienate the other person since they would recognize the apprehension with which I approached them. Therefore, I would first find a way to break this feeling down and take control of it. Once I do that, I would feel more empathy towards the person and begin to represent them in my mind as a more wholesome human being with positive and negative traits, as well as successes and failures. This would allow the other person to feel comfortable around me and would enable us to bond in a sincere and meaningful manner."

Anonymous User · Answer

"I have an FLM who has a difficult personality. He sometimes takes unnecessary challenges with people not only with me. Once he did a similar behavior in our team meeting. I haven't argued with him. After the meeting, I wanted to talk to him 1-1 and shared my thoughts on his approach, and kindly asked him to change this behavior by giving tangible examples. He was not so strong in English as well, but he understood what I meant. From that time, he has a better relationship with the team."

Anonymous User · Answer

"Confidence is key. I remember having to deal with an intimidating client. Her own employees were afraid of her. I always remained confident and spoke with certainty in her presence. Even when she challenged me, I would not get flustered and would respond directly and honestly. In doing so, I gained her respect, and working with her was much easier."

Anonymous User · Answer

"I had a boss a couple of years ago who was very intimidating. I enjoy strong personalities; however, she didn't smile very often and was a bit flat with her emotions, which is sometimes hard to navigate. I don't think she meant to be, so I would remind myself before speaking to her, that she was human just like the rest of us. This approach helped me to communicate with her, with much less intimidation."

Anonymous User · Answer

"When working as an expeditor in a restaurant, I worked with a cook who was very intimidating. He was always yelling demands at the other cooks, servers, and me. In the beginning, this really threw me off and upset me. Eventually, I learned to not take it personally and just let him know that I heard and I understand what he wants to be done instead of getting an attitude with him or yelling back. I ended up becoming friends with the cook and we developed a mutual respect. He stopped yelling so much."

Anonymous User · Answer

"The feeling of unwantedness is very intimidating. I had a boss who made me to feel unwanted on the job. However, I've always known that as healthcare workers, we will come across people who will not always be welcoming to us, because we work with people of diverse backgrounds and believes. With that in mind, I have learned to be humble and focus on my goal which is patient care, and maintain professionalism whenever I come across these kind of people. I was able to overcome my boss's attitude of unwantedness toward me by controlling my own emotions. As a result of my calmness, I was able to flap the script to where he became more kind to me."

Anonymous User · Answer

"I do not know"

Anonymous User · Answer

"Working as a pathway provider we receive many phone calls conversations (especially during ATAR release). These are often upset phone calls from parents or students to question why we could not give them an offer. I really have to put myself into their shoes as being a student or parent and receive the ATAR results that they are not expecting. So I always had to remain calm to explain to them the situation of why we cannot offer what they want. I also gave them suggestions of what they can do next to reapply."

Anonymous User · Answer

"(Situation) "As a researcher, I often give presentations at conferences and university seminars. Sometimes, especially senior attendees can get rough and even a bit aggressive in their comments which can be quite intimidating. (Task) In these situations, I have to remind myself to be proud of my work, no matter what they may say or think, and always remind myself that the comments help me to improve the research. (Action) I trained myself to stay relaxed, to answer calmly and friendly, and to acknowledge that their comment is a great comment before I give my answer. Thereby, I show positivity and confidence in my work. (Result) I can tell from my experience that this helps. The atmosphere becomes much more positive and these people would blame themselves when they would answer again in an aggressive tone. Sometimes they even took some minutes after the talk to further chat with me about my research."

Anonymous User · Answer

"Earlier in my career with children's health insurance, I'd get many angry calls about denials that were intimidating, Dealing with these clients became easier after learning the policy thoroughly where I was confident enough to explain the denial while being empathic. I was able to show I was experienced and empathic and often this diffused an irate customer to a calm one."

Anonymous User · Answer

"I had a field engineer who was super intimating; he had been working in the oil field for years and was rough around the edges"”me moving from the city, I had to adjust my mindset and fit into his. He looked at me as someone who hadn't been in the industry long, so he just assumed I didn't know anything.I made it an effort for every time we had a delivery for him, I would take it and sit with him and ask questions and get to know him on a more personal level."

Anonymous User · Answer

"There will always be people who can do things better than you. In my experience, this comes back to confidence and mindset. You have to be confident in the skills you know and part of that is knowing you need to grow in areas. And having the mindset to realize that they can help you learn, even by just watching how they do something you can improve yourself. Acknowledging that they are better in areas and complimenting them on it, also asking for help or tips on how you can grow."

Anonymous User · Answer

"When I joined my first job as a web developer, I was assigned to the team that was already working on the project. Upon starting, I met my team leader who was very intimidating and didn't make me feel welcome to his team as much as I was hoping. Also, there was no conversation between me and him. He even didn't assign me any new task for two to three weeks. Therefore, before speaking with him I recalled my accomplishments or positive qualities to confirm my abilities and right to personal confidence. I tried to know him better and understand why he behaved like this with me. I found out that he was under extreme pressure of project completion as the client was about to terminate the contract. So, after successful completion, he came to me and appreciated me for bearing his intimidating nature."

Anonymous User · Answer

"I would have a conversation with this person about how they make me feel and try to figure out how we could work as a team."

Anonymous User · Answer

"With a smile, and always reminding myself that they are just human, I would approach them and try to understand the cause of my fear and do some self-reflection."

Anonymous User · Answer

"In my last job, I was intimidated about communicating with a senior developer in my team. He was much older than me, very knowledgeable, and very direct in communication. I acknowledged that every human being can be different, have his own working style , have had experiences that made them successful to reach the current level. I identified my weak areas. Before talking to him, I researched in-depth about the topic, about the work done by him in that domain. This added a lot of weightage to my questions. Once I was confident about myself, I never felt intimidated talking to him."

Anonymous User · Answer

"My prior boss was very intimidating. I enjoy strong personalities; however, he didn't smile very often and was a bit flat with his emotions, which is sometimes hard to navigate. I don't think he meant to be, so I would remind myself before speaking to him, that he was human just like the rest of us. This approach helped me to communicate with him, with much less intimidation."

Anonymous User · Answer

"A crowd intimidates me. This is especially challenging when I have to present my project or the latest reporting initiative I am working on. How I get around this challenge is preparation. I gave myself enough time to thoroughly learn my materials and have a mock presentation with my group. I also learn some relaxing exercises to keep me calm and focus before my presentation."

Anonymous User · Answer

"I have a manager who hardly talks or smiles, appears very serious normally, uses slang/lingo, and gives very direct feedback to the staff. I have been given an acting supervisor role which made him my first point of contact for any assistance. I decide to know him better, I approached a few other officers who were close to me, asked their views on it, and to my surprise, I was told that my manager is very approachable if we get to know him. I approached the manager and shared my thoughts with him and I was really taken aback by his friendly response and his offer to seek his advice anytime in case I get stuck. Since that day I never had any issue with him and learned my lesson that anything can be done if we have the right attitude to do that."

Anonymous User · Answer

"Some of my previous professors and bosses could come off as intimidating, but I was never really bothered because we had a mutual respect for each other. As long as I feel like I am being respected, I can build a relationship with anyone regardless of their way of speaking or behaviors."

Anonymous User · Answer

"Physicians are intimidating. I remind myself they are humans like me and then show confidence and ask the question I need to ask. I try to prepare the question in advance so over time I gain their respect."

Anonymous User · Answer

"As a Customer Relations director, I often have to give presentations and pitches to groups of decision-makers, which can be quite intimidating. I stand tall and remind myself to be proud of my work, no matter what they may say or think. By doing this, I ooze confidence, and the situation becomes so much easier. In general, people respond with similar facial expressions and demeanor so, if you are friendly and approachable, others are more likely to be as well. Even then, if they keep trying to intimidate me, I let them talk a lot until they are sure that we listened to everything; they become relaxed after getting our attention."

Anonymous User · Answer

"At my current job, before getting hired, I had my second interview with the president of the company, his presence can be a bit intimidating at first. As soon as I walked into his office, I looked around and seen pictures of his kids playing sports, and that was the first thing I asked him. He was delighted to talk about his family, I spoke of my journey playing sports and I eventually stopped being nervous around him. I always try to find something in common to talk about and it releases a lot of tension and conversations become natural after that."

Anonymous User · Answer

"When someone intimidates me, such as an upset student who is demanding a refund for not turning in an exam that I don't have authority to give, I will focus less on how I am feeling and more about how they are feeling. In practice, I listen patiently and emphatically to their complaints, understand what they need, and I calmly give them directions with appropriate referrals. By doing this, the situation becomes less scary."

Anonymous User · Answer

"I had a supervisor a couple of years ago who was very intimidating. I enjoy strong personalities; however, he didn't smile very often and was a bit flat with his emotions, which is sometimes hard to navigate. I don't think he meant to be, so when speaking with him, I made the overall situation a bit lighter by showing enthusiasm and a sense of humor."

Anonymous User · Answer

"Everyone was someone's child at some point. Everyone has a beating heart. I try very hard to meet people where they are. Often people who have a harsh exterior persona may have a different way of expressing themselves. I have certainly been close to supervisors whom others has dismissed as being brash or harsh. In the back of my mind, I have a different kind of philosophy. I see that relationships that take longer to form generally last longer than those that are quick to form."

Anonymous User · Answer

"I had a client who was nasty and aggressive on the phone but it was a good customer so I had to grin and bear it. I found that if I practiced what I wanted to say when I had to call them I was more relaxed and didn't let them get to me. I got used to their style and after awhile I didn't take it personally. I just acted as professionally as possible."

Anonymous User · Answer

"I think people with intimidating personalities are just a little more aggressive in their personalities. So I listen to them and try to find out what common interests we may have, and build a relationship on that."

Anonymous User · Answer

"I moved from junior level job to heading a department in my current role. I now deal with a shareholder- director who I directly report to; the person was very intimidating. I made sure that I was confident and firm. It helped that I was thorough in my work; this helped develop trust quickly. Once this was done, all the walls were broken. We now have a very good working relationship."

Anonymous User · Answer

"I had someone that asked me why I do my job, and I said to help customers and he said "Bull Sh&@" to me and told me that everyone does it for the money in front of a bunch of people, which really intimidated me. I worked hard and tried to get to know him better to find out that he was in the military, and that was the way he talked a lot. Once I figured out that it wasn't personal, I tried to build a better relationship with him and get to know him even better."

Anonymous User · Answer

"I would first be polite and well mannered when we met, then slowly find some common ground to have some short discussions on work-related processes we both have an interest in. I would also find out what interests they have outside of work to understand the individual and build the relationship."

Anonymous User · Answer

"I once had a doctor tell me my products were terrible. It was a one-way conversation where he was yelling. It was the very first time we'd met, and I was honestly intimidated. When he was finished, I asked him if it would be okay for me to step out and then come back in to start the conversation all over again, but that this time, he was not to be so scary. He looked at me and just started laughing. He became one of my top customers after that."

Anonymous User · Answer

"I try to engage them more personally to open them up, maybe ask about a vacation they just got back from, or even simply asking them how they are doing, can make a difference. I've found if you can connect more on a personal level, then their guards fall wayside, and instantly they warm up to you."

Anonymous User · Answer

"I believe communication is vital. I would explain any issue respectfully and professionally and hopefully feel less intimidated after a conversation."

Anonymous User · Answer

"When someone intimidates me I try to relate to that person. When I was an intern, I found speaking to the district manager intimidating so I would make the effort of talking about school and my interests within the company. 5 years down the line I speak to him as my colleague and I am not afraid to voice my opinions because I know he will listen and respect what I have to say."

Anonymous User · Answer

"I try to understand what it is about me that makes me feel "inferior" and understand that the "problem" lies within me and not with the person. It's a great opportunity to learn from someone who is challenging you on whatever level."

Anonymous User · Answer

"I usually don't get intimidated. I meet with some of the most intimidating and sophisticated landlords in the country. If I find one intimidating, I talk about common interests, their real estate business, and how I can bring additional revenue streams into their properties. Alternatively, if someone intimidates me who are not landlords, I look for common interests to break the ice."

Anonymous User · Answer

"I had a supervisor who had a strong personality and was very intimidating to approach at times. I had to remind myself that I am there to do my job and she was human just like the rest of us so don't take it personally."

Anonymous User · Answer

"I had a client who was aggressive on the phone, but he was a good customer so I had to grin and bear it. I found that if I practiced what I wanted to say when I had to call him, I was more relaxed and didn't let him get to me. I got used to his style and after a while, I didn't take it personally. I just acted as professionally as possible."

Anonymous User · Answer

"This is definitely something I have faced in work settings, soccer teams, and even in volunteering. When building these relationships, I challenge my beliefs as to why the other person may intimidate me and focus instead on being really friendly and bubbly. An outgoing demeanour makes people feel more comfortable building a relationship with me. Then, I usually focus my attention on learning more about them, what they are passionate about and interested in, and follow up on that to show that I am genuinely interested in getting to know them."

Anonymous User · Answer

"I have worked with plenty of clients, some of whom are intimidating. I had one patient that was very aggressive and despite my calm demeanor, was very demanding. I made sure to document their concerns, repeat them, and make sure they understood that I was taking care of their needs. I used ice breakers to find out more about them and eventually got through to them, to the point where they were able to relax."

Anonymous User · Answer

"I had client who was a very intimidating person when I first met her. She intimidated me even before I gave her service, so I began to listen closely to her. Once I started talking about her hair and her interest in the service she became a bit lighter and confident about giving me her service. Since then, she has been a permanent customer."

Anonymous User · Answer

"I would do this by showing respect and first small talk. By trying to get to know them would eventually avail and open line of communication. If I am intimidated by them, I feel that they are better at something, then I am. With an open communication line, I can ask and get to know their strengths and turn my weaknesses into strengths by their wisdom and abilities."

Anonymous User · Answer

"Upon graduation from pharmacy school and as a graduate intern, my employer at the time, had implemented a new two week training program, where there was a check list of tasks assigned for each day that each graduate intern needed to learn before running a pharmacy on his or her own. Each graduate intern was assigned to a pharmacy manager to be trained and after learning and mastering each task, the pharmacy manager should check off the task on the list before moving forward to the next step, to ensure every part was being learned. And at the very end of the two weeks, the training pharmacy manager and the new trainee pharmacist had to sign to confirm that all parts were completed. I was assigned to be trained by a pharmacy manager (let's call her Jessica). Upon starting, I found Jessica to be very intimidating and she didn't make me feel welcomed to her team as much as I was hoping. Also, there was no conversation between me and Jessica in regards to the check list that needed to be followed and completed by the end of these two weeks. I spent the first couple days helping around the pharmacy without learning anything new. When I brought up the checklist to Jessica, she seemed disengaged about following it and she was expecting me to just try to learn things as they came up during the day, as she was too busy to go through the checklist and ensure that I learn everything listed. At this point, I knew that it would be up to me to lead my training and ensure success, and I wanted to remain dedicated, despite her lack of enthusiasm about the process. When I went home, I went through the training manuals independently and realized that there is a lot for me to learn, and it is impossible for me to do it on my own. I wanted to confront her about how I would be more comfortable if we followed the checklist, as advised. but I was too intimated by her to share my thoughts. Giving the subject a lot of thought, I didn't want to take the situation personally and I kept in mind that she was human, just like the rest of us, and to ensure I got the training that I needed, I would have to talk to her. The next day I asked if I could speak to her privately when she got a chance and she agreed. I explained how important it is to me to become the best pharmacist that I can be, and I was taking this training very seriously, as having successful first few days as a pharmacist on my own depends on it. I explained that I went through the training manuals independently and realized that there was a lot that I didn't know and would like to learn from an expert like her. She respectfully listened to me and assured me that she will do her best to address all tasks on the checklist that I needed to learn. Moreover, she explained that this process is very new to her, and she really didn't see the point in it, that was why she was not as enthusiastic about it. The next day at the beginning of the shift, she asked me to bring the checklist to go over some tasks, before it got busy in the pharmacy. The following days, we continued to do the same thing and we were successful at completing all the tasks on the checklist, and I got to learn things from her beyond the checklist that I appreciate to this day as a pharmacist."

Anonymous User · Answer

"Even though I work very closely with leadership, I still feel intimidated whenever I have to present or even simply send them an email. I would always practice like crazy when I knew I had to make a presentation to them, and if I were to send an email, I would always double-check and then wait one hour to review it again before sending it. In the end, even if I'm close with leadership, I would want them to see me as consistently reliable and not rely on their goodwill."

Anonymous User · Answer

"In my current role, my bosses supervisor is a strong personality and is very outspoken in meetings and with her expectations. I have made a point to arrive at meetings or calls with her early and to be sure to speak up when she is asking for opinions or input, even if I'm unsure of what she is looking for specifically. I want her to see that I am part of her team and that I'm reliable and consistent."

How would you build a relationship with someone who intimidates you?

How to Answer: How would you build a relationship with someone who intimidates you?

23. How would you build a relationship with someone who intimidates you?

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